For Black Queer Womxn Who Have Considered Suicide / When the Rainbow Isn’t Enuf

A poem for reflection, love, and healing to Black Queer Womxn when celebrating Pride.
RashawndaWilliamsRashawndaWilliams
Jun. 6, 2020
campaign, cherie
Cherie is an online community of beauty lovers sharing their stories; whether that's their favorite products, makeup tutorials, or skincare routines. Download the app today to be a part of #BeautyWithoutBarriers and show the world what beauty means to you!The sounds of the baptist church choir in my ear. From then created a fear in my chest as the pastor preached. His words strong, like holy water dripping from his tongue. Everyone sitting in the church pew with anticipation as he speaks: “Marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman.” No room for any other desires to breathe in between the lines. His words ring out once more going on and on about how God created Adam and Eve, Not Adam and Steve. Not Eve and Eva. These were words that kept me in-prisoned in my own mind. From then, I believed there was only one way to love. These were words I have grown to feel suffocated by. Some days I fight these words, Other days they sit inside my body like ash on a wednesday. In this world to be black, queer, and femme can be a death sentence. Being told as black this is your place. Being told as queer, don’t forget about your race! Did you forget who you are? Did you forget that you have to swallow your pride? A rainbow noose hangs around my neck as His story closes up in my throat. The ancestral power of Audre Lorde, Bayard Rustin, and Marsha P. Johnson daring to come out. When will I be seen as one person? Black, Queer, Femme, and beautiful. Used to think some truths were better left buried. Thought so after the day my mother told my gay brother that he had the devil inside him—I guess it’s inside me too. It was after that day I started drowning in a special type of baptism. When will my mother see me? Whole, not broken, not traumatized, not evil. When will she love us unconditionally? A rainbow noose hangs around my neck. How is it that I’ve become trapped so tightly into a different form of lynching ...a rainbow noose hanging from my neck? My freedom trapped in a box, No air and space to breathe anything but the tragic history of homophobia, racism, and patriarchy. Why does the way I choose to love offend you? Are you jealous of this love that is so free? Are you jealous of our blood that bleeds rainbows? Are you afraid to free yourself? A rainbow noose hangs around my neck as I love another black girl after being trapped in a world that is white and straight. Trapped in a world that is black and bible. But if my world must be bible, I want to write a new one. Write scriptures with my fingers and make queer love biblical. Get lost in the Garden of Eden and eat buckets of forbidden fruit. So, Queer family, let's sin over and over. Let’s destroy the old and new testament and make new one. In this one, God is non-binary and uses they/them pronouns.
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